productive discomfort
Phrases like ‘it’s so hard for boys these days’ or ‘we can’t say anything anymore!’ stem from discomfort.
It’s ‘hard’ for boys today because we’re not longer ignoring the ways that society is built to benefit them. It feels like we ‘can’t say anything anymore’ because we haven’t been taught the power of language and how it can be used to uphold marginalization.
Our workshops are for everyone, no matter where you stand in society or where you’re at in your journey. We believe that everyone should have access to the tools they need to navigate society and we beleive that ‘productive discomfort’ is central to this.
Some discomfort is always necessary in order to be able to adapt and grow. Discussing complicated and often upsetting topics can provoke a range of reactions - whether it’s remembering experiences you’ve had, realising your part in someone else’s mistreatment or recognising your friend’s complicity in something.
For us, educating students about complicity, privilege and accountability goes hand in hand with empathy, allyship and support. In every workshop we provide toolkits to take our work further. We offer students a collaborative space to envision new ways forward and offer our own experiences as young people - this allows us to empower young people to naviagte their own paths through these topics.
Every student is different, and we work with cohorts to discuss realistic approaches to tackling these topics. Whilst discussing ‘Misogny and Language’ with a year 9 cohort at a single-sex boys’ school, we explored the concept of taking up space. Diving into a topic as heavy as rape culture was understandably intimdating, so we made sure to have a candid discussion about how it can be hard to recognise when and where young men can change their behaviour. One student asked if they were still allowed to hold doors open for women, prompting a wider discussion about the place that chivalry holds in today’s society.
Elsewhere, discussing Anti-racism and allyship with a mixed gender year 10 cohort, we looked at the difficulties of calling out friends. An uncomfortable experience was made productive by open questions from students and the recognition that there is rarely a right answer. One student asked how they were meant to recognise every single micro-aggression in the world. We explored the nuances of this question, validating their feelings of being overwhelmed whilst critically engaging with why it felt like such a great effort to engage more with these topics.
‘Productive discomfort’ ultimately aims at reconciliation. It recognises that you cannot make a difference without some re-adjustment, whilst remaining non-judgemental and solution-focused. We employ ‘productive discomfort’ because we don’t ignore the tricky topics. If we’re discussing rape culture, we’re going to think about toxic masculinity and complicity. But that doesn’t mean students ever need to feel alienated. Recognising how you can do better is not about self-flagellation, it’s about empowerment. Productive discomfort allows us to unlock difficult conversations honestly whilst still striving for a collective future that everyone can be part of.